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Your apartment was subject to an intervention by the Prague fire department.
I was cooking.
Ozzak was home alone and I forgot to lock the stove.
Sorry, it won't happen again.
I should hope so.
We have more important things to deal with than a pot left on the stove.
It was goulash.
I cleared his airways and put him in the recovery position.
Have you ever considered having him declared legally incompetent?
We think about practically nothing else.
Well, good luck.
Thank you.
Did you see how she was all over me?
When I came to, she was straight up kissing me.
I don't get it.
You're really not happy?
About what exactly?
Jesus, about what?
That I survived when you nearly roasted Ozzak.
Oh, I thought about the fact that you set the kitchen on fire.
Or that the tenants' committee moved you to first place on the list of people who should move out.
What about Roubalova and her six hundred cats?
She had them neutered.
By the way, the building manager suggested that for you too.
But people were against it.
Really?
They wanted to put you down instead.
It's your fault anyway.
What?
If we had more than one pot, I wouldn't have had to make pasta with tuna for two months.
Bro, a real man needs meat, not tuna.
And that's why you set the kitchen on fire?
No, that's why I was making the goulash.
I dozed off for a bit and then woke up when that beautiful firefighter was kissing me.
Uncle, she wasn't kissing you, she was giving you CPR.
Ivuska, trust me, there was nothing artificial about it.
If you'd bought more pots, Ozzak wouldn't have caused any trouble.
Fine, he would've caused different trouble, but at least we'd have something to cook in.
We do have other cookware now, don't we?
The pans have had no Teflon since Ozzak learned there's gold in the Vltava and tried panning.
You shouldn't believe the newspapers.
We used to have pot lids, but they mysteriously vanished during the manly Frisbee tournament.
Couldn't one have been enough?
When they're round, they're hard to catch.
So...
If someone hadn't mixed glue in the remaining pots.
That was necessary, I had to wallpaper.
Why didn't you wallpaper?
Because it hardened.
To make a long story short.
After the pot era comes the era of rolls with pate.
Hold on, Ivuska, rolls give me stomach trouble and pate gives me eczema.
Then make yourself an egg.
In the electric kettle.
Fine, I'll buy the pots.
Can you wrap it up for me?
Dad, I was thinking, what are we doing on Saturday?
Got any plans?
Sasha and Lexa want to go to a hip-hop camp, and I thought I'd go with them.
Hip-hop camp?
Is that the TV show where they play basketball?
Come on, dad, keep up with the times.
Hip-hop is a progressive lifestyle that interests young people.
And they get together every summer to discuss what's been happening in this musical genre lately.
Absolutely not.
I'm such an idiot for not saying we're going to play basketball.
You wouldn't do that because you'd be lying to me.
So I'll be stuck at home again.
So you're free on Saturday, right?
No, I'll be doing embroidery.
How about this?
A family trip.
That could be interesting.
If it's like last time, Lexa will be jealous.
I just got mixed up.
Trutnov or Turnov?
Stamp exhibition or erotic fair?
That was great.
And family-friendly?
Family-friendly?
Yeah.
You don't make a baby by licking.
Ozzak.
He's talking about stamps.
The best thing about the trip is that we'll bring home pots.
What is this?
This travel agency is organizing a trip to Kokorin with lunch and a purchase of brand-name cookware.
Looks suspicious.
Ozzak, it's free.
Doubly suspicious.
Also music, culture, and lunch.
What lunch?
Beef roulade.
I'm in.
With dumplings?
With rice.
I'm out.
Doesn't that number seem a bit short to you?
No, that's the fire department.
Great.
Hold on, what are you doing?
What's it to you?
You can only call them when there's a fire.
But they must have some private life too, right?
Hello, can I speak with that pretty colleague of yours?
She has a helmet and a little axe.
What, if there's a fire?
No.
Right, it has to be, I see.
Well, thanks.
That didn't work out.
Ozzak?
You want to take this out to the dumpster in the yard?
Is there more somewhere?
In the yard.
That's convenient.
You know, a fire is announced by striking an iron bar against a rail and shouting "fire."
Get yourself a rail and start in about five minutes.
Nice helmet.
Next time then.
That'll be four thousand.
They all say no at first and end up thanking me.
What happened here?
I had a date by the dumpsters.
These pots look suspicious.
Well, they weren't the cheapest, but Milda Ziha said they're the latest thing.
Mr. Ziha said the same thing when he saw there's video on the bus.
Don't be mouthy!
It was a pleasant trip and Milda Ziha was nice company.
He drooled.
Fine, he drooled a little because he had no teeth.
He said someone at home keeps hiding them.
We met on the trip.
He sat next to me on the bus, you know.
He pulled out a disability card, so I had to give him my seat.
Apparently he's a music collector.
The whole way he told me about his modern jazz and how he's always cleaning his trumpets at home.
Probably because they're dirty.
So Ivo, will you make fun of me and Ozzak too when we're old and helpless?
Say something, bro.
I didn't know firefighters also rescue drowned people.
Actually, I'm looking forward to retirement.
You've got savings and plenty of time for everything.
Actually it makes sense, since they're always spraying water around, right?
Milda Ziha has visited every castle and chateau there is.
And next week he's going to Kokos.
His last name really is Ziha after all.
Is there a river nearby?
Everyone there was doing this.
Significantly better than Milda Ziha.
They all got drunk and fell asleep.
I couldn't not be among them, right?
They all buy the same things.
Well, so do retirees.
A vest, a cap, and a cane.
A woman, her uniform, nothing.
Is there going to be some reggae festival?
There's a reggae session in Liberec on Saturday.
He'll go wrapped in a carpet.
Sasha wants to go, you want to go, and I want to go.
I want to go, but dad will ban it the moment I explain what a reggae session is.
He didn't even know what hip-hop camp was.
I don't want to go.
Wait, Sasha!
What are you doing?
It's going to be awesome!
They'll just sing about stealing cars and doing drugs again.
I don't like that.
These guys are different.
They only sing about nice things.
They sway around and always smile.
Really?
Then I'd go.
Well.
And I'll go with dad to Kokorin.
Just make something up for him.
Lexa, you shouldn't lie.
Not everyone faints when they lie.
Right, like when you tried to tell auntie it looks good on her.
Try telling him we're going to the world plowing championship.
He won't buy that, he's not that senile.
Jealous, huh?
Nice vest.
It has many pockets.
It's practical, look, you can fit a lot in it.
Yeah.
Insulin?
And it's still possible to rob Milda.
He survived without teeth too.
It's amazingly warm.
Milda lent it to me to warm up.
I waited for him two hours at the zoo.
He was two hours late?
No, he didn't come at all.
He was waiting at the botanical garden.
Hey, dad?
Yeah?
Could I go somewhere with the twins this weekend?
Where?
To a reggae session.
I hope it's not another music event involving drug consumption.
No.
So what is it then?
Regen...
Regeneration.
Like massages.
Everyone holds an incense stick and enjoys life.
You learn to calm down there.
Regeneration?
Yeah, like a course.
Like a course in regeneration techniques?
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
Why did you let her go?
She's exhausted.
She needs regeneration.
Desperately.
It's not her fault, it's those famous pots of yours.
You put them on the stove and they start smoking.
You must have done something wrong.
I poured in water and turned on the stove, describe the mistake.
That's a mystery.
I'll have to ask Milda what experience he's had with them.
Oh, he called.
God, I forgot we're playing afternoon chess.
He probably did too.
He said you're going to feed the swans.
Why doesn't he call my cell?
I told him that too, but he didn't know what it is.
Damn, so there was a fire here and I'm waiting by the pond.
Ozzak, are you really sure this is the best remedy for cockroaches?
Absolutely.
And do we even have any?
It's good to be prepared.
Good.
Was it you who reported a kitten in a tree?
What's it to you?
There isn't one up there.
It chewed through the rope, the little pest.
But don't think I don't know what you're up to.
Seven small fires, one fake drowning.
You're trying to turn Majka's head, aren't you?
Majka?
Majka is mine.
Strike one more match and I'll strangle you with a hose, got it?
Cheers.
Caveman.
Majka.
Hello, this is Tomas.
Well, six letters.
Listen, I'm doing a crossword and I'm stuck.
Jamaican music style, six letters, starts with R. Are you doing one too?
You don't know either.
Well, bye then, bye.
Damn, they can't even make crosswords properly anymore.
Hi, kids.
How was it?
Great.
Why are you so incredibly muddy?
On the second day there were mud baths for volunteers.
The media says mud is good for joints.
And for the skin.
Sasha, why are your eyes so red?
It's from the smoke, Mr. Pacovsky.
From aromatherapy, you know?
Aroma, aroma, therapy.
Wait, why does Lexa have those braids?
Because he's an idiot.
Right.
Mr. Pacovsky, I wanted to tell you, I love you.
Wait.
And how did you spend it?
Well.
We finally went with Milda to return the pots.
And did they give you money back?
Something better, kids.
We got a voucher for two for a pedicure.
We'll go together with Tonik Zehak.
You mean Zehak?
No, no, that's really his name.
Tonik Zehak, wonderful person.
OK, great, but what are we going to cook in?
Tonik says meals on wheels delivers his food.
It's pleasant, tasty, and easy to digest.
So overcooked carrots and cream of wheat.
Lexa, Mr. Ozzak, you wanted something?
I need you to call for help.
Should I get something?
Not right now, but I expect to get stuck in a sewer on Saturday night.
Yeah, sewers are pretty dangerous, I get stuck there all the time.
But unlike you, I never know in advance.
I have a date down there.
I can't, Mr. Ozzak, the girls and I are going to CzechTek.
Want to come with us?
What is it?
A little event, it'll be intense.
Any chance of running into firefighters there?
More like cops.
Then no thanks.
I'll go to the sewer.
What's that?
Flippers.
And this?
Smoke bombs.
So it's near Trutnov.
Smoke bombs, smoke bombs, wait.
What are they for?
For cops.
For firefighters too?
Yeah, them too.
Got more?
Yeah, mom has a ton.
Whenever they lock themselves in the pub after football, she throws one in.
Maybe I won't go to the sewer after all.
Ivo, what if your dad won't let you?
Reggae went through, everything will.
So it's near Turnov.
I already bought train tickets.
Great, it's not that far.
But will I really like it there?
It'll be like a funfair.
Really?
Just without swings, carousels, or cotton candy.
But will there be dogs?
And if the cops show up again this year, there'll be even more dogs.
OK then, I love dogs.
Great, now we just need to figure out what to tell dad.
But it has to be something totally safe.
I have a great idea.
How about a regeneration festival?
Lexa.
We already went to one.
When?
Sasha, say something.
Where would you most like to go?
A cross-stitch embroidery course.
I always wanted to go but mom always said no.
Perfect!
It's so dumb he'll definitely buy it.
Sorry, Sasha.
So, everyone knows what to do, right?
I'm not supposed to faint.
Hi!
So how's it going?
Champs!
Good, why are you yelling at us?
Me?
Sorry, I was feeding swans with Milda and Milda forgot his hearing aid.
Right.
Hey, dad, I'd like to go to this event this weekend with the twins.
To Turnov for CzechTek.
Wait, what's CzechTek?
That sounds somehow familiar.
CzechStech.
International embroidery course.
Embroidery?
Since when are you three interested in embroidery?
Yeah.
Me too.
Why are you panting like that, Sasha?
I...
She's exhausted.
She embroidered a tablecloth with cross-stitch all night.
And also chain stitch and pearl stitch, that one's best for petals.
We embroider with Sasha a lot.
Sasha?
Really?
Sasha, Sasha, dad is asking if you like embroidery.
I love embroidery, I look forward to these courses all summer.
So you three are going to embroider?
Is that right, Sasha?
Huh?
I love embroidery, I look forward to these courses all summer.
I don't know, I don't know, I don't know.
You can't trust young people.
Tonik said his son promised him a spa and shoved him in a nursing home instead.
But we have an invitation.
Show me.
There's a phone number here.
That six, damn, why do they make these buttons so small?
Good afternoon, I have your invitation here.
You say embroiderers from around the world?
And is it safe there?
Only thimbles, I see.
And where will they be staying?
Boys in barracks and girls in a convent?
Excellent.
Thank you, God be with you.
Well then I apologize for not believing you.
Mom called me.
She didn't want anything.
Why are you being all clever now?
I wish I had your money.
Don't pretend you can't hear me.
Well, embroidery.
We'll see Ivuska now.
Since morning, thousands of young techno fans have been arriving to, as usual, take drugs, ignore hydration, listen to deafening music, and fight with the police.
Milda says you can't trust young people.
Tomas, there's still a chance they're at that embroidery course.
But why did Lexa bring that smoke bomb?
Christ's foot.
Tomas, what kind of language is that?
That's what Milda says.
He also says "dang nabbit."
It really lets off steam too.
You should take a look at yourselves.
You're talking like a senior citizen.
Iva just went to a music festival.
You call that music?
Well, even CzechTek wasn't what he expected, so he knows more about it.
He lost his hearing back then.
And when the techno kids found out who called the cops on them, his teeth too.
Come on, bro, we have to get them out of there.
Go alone, I need the apartment to myself today anyway.
Good thing I still have friends.
Milda is rallying the guys.
If there's four of us, we'll get a group discount on the bus.
Don't worry about us.
The boys fought at Dukla.
Exactly.
Don't underestimate us.
Tonik, the guys from their encounter with skinheads couldn't even stand up.
Really?
Yeah.
He ran into them at the hospital.
They even had the nerve to claim they were looking for the oncology ward.
Hello, I'd like to report a fire.
Horakova eleven, as always.
And hurry, my brother could be back any minute.
Yeah.
What did I tell you?
It's him again.
I suppose it's my fault, huh?
You must have provoked him somehow.
During the CPR.
How so?
Did you stick your tongue in there?
I must be dreaming.
You know what, then resuscitate yourself.
Wait, you know how much I hate resuscitating guys.
But you don't mind with women, right?
Like that blonde last week.
I thought she was fibrillating.
Yeah.
You were giving her a heart massage while she was on the phone telling her husband everything's fine.
When this one fibrillates.
Come on, he's faking it.
I'm not sure.
By the river he had no pulse at all.
Well that was obviously just so you'd notice him.
At least he's doing something.
What about you?
When's the last time you did something for me?
Wait, what do you mean?
I don't know, something.
When's the last time you took me to the river, for example?
Two weeks ago when we were filling cisterns.
Sometimes I wonder if you even still love me.
How can you even say that?
This poor guy has poisoned himself with mushrooms three times because of me.
Once he crawled into a sewer pipe and almost drowned.
What about you?
Am I supposed to start acting like some psychopath too, or what?
I don't know.
You just used to try harder.
Before, before, before.
You used to pole dance for me at the fire station too.
Is that what you want?
Could we fit that in today? Those bruises are still fresh.
What about him?
If you want, I'll resuscitate him for you, no problem.
No, no, no.
He was really faking it.
What, daddy?
But hurry.
I'll turn on the siren.
I told you not to go after those hooligans.
But they're not to blame.
The police stopped us right when we arrived.
What?
That's disgusting.
I heard they beat up kids, but...
Even seniors?
We wanted to show ID and the cops figured out how old I am.
So what?
The guys jumped on me, called me a stool pigeon and hooligan, Milda swung a cane at me and the peacekeeper forgot who I am and started yelling that I'm a techno snitch.
The police took them away then.
Did you find Iva?
I'm just happy I survived.
Dad, what happened to you?
Well well, domestic arts enthusiasts.
So how was your sewing course?
In Trutnov!
We were in Turnov.
You can ask Lexa, he bought the tickets.
And how did you like the sewing course?
I've had better weekends.
I'm not asking you, Lexa.
I'll ask the last person I can still trust here, Sasha.
It was wonderful, Mr. Pacovsky.
I learned the double pulled butter stitch and I was good at it.
And I embroidered this for Mr. Ozzak.
Well you deserved it, huh?
And what did you embroider, Ivuska, huh?
I was supposed to embroider Trutnov, not Turnov, but I only managed this.
Bro, dang nabbit, I really am senile.
So Ivuska, sorry for not believing you.
Just next time someone else is buying the tickets.
Bro, if you're planning another date, arrange it by the dumpsters.
No, Roubalova is sending us goulash.
Because she found out who called the firefighters to save her kitten.
And she also said we can keep the pot because I explained that we're in need.
You know, we have a pot again.
Great, so tomorrow it's pasta with tuna.